In our interview series, we offer an insider’s perspective into the world of dance, where passion, ambition, and challenges converge. Today we share Michael’s story, former ballet dancer, now DJ and founder of Dansklooster (Dance Monastery).
Written by Lara Sala
“Dance without form is the ultimate freedom. The dance of your soul.”
From behind my little table at a beach club in Bergen aan Zee, I see Michael approaching, still with the grace of a dancer. He looks at me questioningly and says, “I really have no idea why you want to interview me.” He sits down and continues: “I didn’t make it as a dancer; I didn’t even go to HBO.”
“Does it make you a dancer, if you attend HBO?”, I ask. “Yes, then you can call yourself a dancer,” Michael replies.
How the love of dance was born
“The love of moving has always been a part of me,” Michael shares as he looks back on his childhood. “I danced along as a child with music videos and with the jazz company where my mother worked. My talent was noticed there. Then, my mother did some research and told me I could audition. At that time, doing something with dance meant doing ballet, so I went to the National Ballet Academy in Amsterdam. I thought, yes, I’m going to dance!”
After going through preliminary training, he was accepted at the academy in 1986 at the age of 10. “Although I always had a natural urge to move, learning ballet technique did not come easily to me. I had to work very hard for it. Lifting my leg was very slow. From 40 degrees to 45 degrees to 50 degrees, that took a lot of time and hard work.”
The ideal image
Michael slowly raises his arm in the turned-out position as if it were a turned-out leg and continues: “I saw around me what was expected. I became so focused on the sport that it was hard for me to bring in the dance element. It was like a spark disappeared in my heart.” That pressure also began to take its toll physically he continues, “I was in a host family with three girls from school. They weren’t allowed to eat anything. And I of necessity went along with that dietary regime; a sandwich in the morning and macaroni in the evening without sauce, meat or cheese, just some vegetables and water.”
“For a while then I fulfilled the ideal image. But in fact, I was malnourished for a growing boy. My mother took me out and I came back to live at home. At 6:00 a.m. I was on the train from Raalte and at 8:00 p.m. I returned home. On the train I did my homework, it was pure discipline.”
“It was made very unsubtly clear to me that I did not meet the expectations”
Michael continues, “I made it until the fourth year of VWO, then I had to leave. The extreme strain required to meet the extremes of ballet technique caused wear and tear on my body that had put me in a state of constant physical pain.”
He continued: “It was made very unsubtly clear to me that I did not meet the expectations. The people who could meet the requirements got attention and I was ignored, so to speak. I danced around the support from the top. I remember a boy who was incredibly good, it seemed to come very easily to him. So streamlined, so technically perfect. He could do everything. His career was already mapped out. Suddenly, he was gone. “
When I ask him if this boy had stopped dancing, Michael continues, “No, he stopped living.”
It gets quiet for a moment. Michael recalls that at the academy there was hardly any reflection on it: “Classes just went on.” For Michael, this was a turning point in his life: “I realized that dance is not as beautiful as it seems.”
End of training
Nevertheless, Michael continued his dance career in The Hague. “I thought modern dance might be better for my body. However, the level was much higher. Also, I was not good friends with the character teacher and he could make or break you.” Michael ended up on the sidelines again and his injuries returned. “My confidence that it would ever work out went away. I still would have liked to do something with musical or show dance at that time. But for that, you need someone to believe in you and show you the way.”
He considers the lack of this guidance an unsafe environment. “When no one is watching you and telling you to take good care of yourself, you are pushed beyond your own limits. You come in and then the rat race begins. Classes get smaller and smaller, every year students have to leave. Hold your own under these high expectations and fear of having to leave, without support and someone to tell you it will be okay. I have seen many examples of people who are forced to quit and then fall into a deep valley. You need someone who believes in you otherwise it’s very hard to keep faith in yourself.”
“I only now realize that the themes I struggle with to this day, started there”
The realization of how lonely this period was for him comes to him only now. “The guys had each other and the girls had each other or hung out more easily with the gay guys. To be straight at the ballet academy is incredibly lonely. It’s the age where you get to explore how you relate to both men and girls as a boy. I didn’t get to experience that open-mindedness and looseness. I surrendered my youth, so to speak. And I only now realize that the themes I struggle with to this day began there.”
Free to dance
Michael managed to mentally flip the switch and felt the confidence that he would find the joy of movement again. He found that at hotel school. “It may sound crazy but there was a collection of talents there and there I became aware of my potential. I flourished and I was supported. It became a solid foundation on which I built my life.” Yet the uptight ballet dancer still lurks in him, he says: “I have to be very conscious of being able to release that dancer who is trying to meet high expectations. Free to dance. Without the form, there is only the dance.”
“Dance without form is the ultimate freedom. The dance of your soul.”
Dansklooster – Dance Monastery
Since founding Dansklooster (Dance Monastery), he’s been exactly weher he is meant to be. “Actually, I am now doing what I have always wanted to do. By facilitating retreats, organizing dance evenings and sessions on the beach, I offer visitors the opportunity to connect with their emotional core through music and free themselves from it by dancing. Finding and following your own movement without a plan. The visitor can take it or not. Actually, I facilitate now what I couldn’t do then: Feel.”
“I missed the leading role in the ballet world, but I am alive! And while He dances in heaven, through Dance Monastery I bring the dance of the soul to earth.”
“Because the ballet dancer had failed, Dansklooster had to succeed. And it is, isn’t it?” I ask him. “Yes indeed,” Michael agrees with a big smile.
